Link and the Rescuing of the Seven Sages
by WildThang17
Summary: After Link and Tatl return from saving Termina, they find that Ganondorf has stolen the seven Sages! Can Link save them in time? Rated PG for mild violence. (like choping off people's fingers)
1. Link’s Annoyance and Ganondorf’s Return

Link and the Rescuing of the seven sages

Author's note: Hi. This is Dru, the narrator. This is after Majora's Mask, so don't be surprised that young link has masks and the hero's bow and stuff.

Chapter 1: Link's Annoyance and Ganondorf's Return

Link: Tatl.

Tatl: yes?

Link: …………………..

Tatl: What?

Link: SAVING TERMINA WAS FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tatl: That's the ten-billionth time you've said that Link. You don't have to say that again.

Link: Well I want to.

Tatl: (annoyed) How about you shut up.

Link: What? I could Goron pound you.

Tatl: (surprised) You would never do that!!!

Link: Watch me. Or I could Blow you up with a powder keg.

Tatl: (speechless) But you wouldn't do that to me.

Link: Oh yes I would. (puts on goron mask and takes out a powder keg)

Tatl: (extremely scared by now) Please don't do this. Please.

Link: I can and I will.

Tatl: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(flies away)

Link: ( takes off goron mask and puts away powder keg) Heh heh heh. That was fun.

(yelling) You can come back Tatl.

Dru: you may think that Link should feel very sorry for this, but Tatl has been very mean to Link in Majora's Mask so Link has gotten his revenge. :D

Tatl: WHY DID YOU DO THAT????????!!!!!!!!!!!

Link; Cause I wanted to get revenge because of how horrible you were to me and because I felt like it.

Tatl: I'm gonna tell the skull kid, and then you'll be sorry.

Link: I got rid of him with the oath to order, remember?

Tatl: (to herself) Darn it. I forgot. (to Link) CURSE YOU!! HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND UNTIL YOU CAME ALONG AND GOT RID OF HIM!!!!

Link: Whatever.

Tatl: DON'T YOU 'WHATEVER' ME!

Link: Whatever

Tatl: (getting very angry by now) I TOLD YOU NOT TO SAY WHATEVER!

Link: Whatever.

Tatl: (in a very bad rage now) DO NOT SAY WHATEVER AND JUST SHUT UP!!!!

Link: Whatever.

Tatl (in the mood to kill Link) AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!! DO NOT SAY WHATEVER AGAIN!!! I HAVE A KNIFE!! Oh wait, I don't have a knife.

 Link: Whatever

Tatl: (in the mood to kill Link and then feed him to a billion wolfoses) I WILL KILL YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS IF YOU DON'T STOP SAYING WHATEVER.

Link: Whatever.

Tatl: (screams)

Link: Whatever.

Tatl: (faints from all the screaming and yelling) Mommy.

Link: whatever

Tatl: (unconscious, sleeptalking , and telling the truth) I kissed saria's fairy

(starts telling other dark secrets)

Link: (takes a bucket and starts hurling in it)( saying in between each hurl) eeeewwww!!!

Tatl: (hours later she wakes up) Why are you barfing?

Link: (as thin as a wire now) YOU KISSED SARIA'S FAIRY?!?!?!?!?

Tatl: (surprised) How do you know I did that?! (slaps hand over her mouth)

Link: You told your darkest secrets.

Tatl: (getting angry) I WHAT????!!!!!

Link: You told your darkest secrets. The first one is…………..

WE INTERRUPT THIS FANFICTION FOR AN UNIMPORTANT NEWSFLASH.

FAR WAY IN TERMINA AT IKANA CASTLE, REDEADS HAVE TAKEN OVER THE WHOLE CASTLE BECAUSE NOTHING IS IN IT AND THEN STARTED DANCING AND SCREAMING SO LOUD THAT EVERYONE IN IKANA CAN HEAR THEM. THAT IS ALL. GOOD-BYE.

Link: And that was the last secret you told.

Tatl: (speechless and in shock) Please don't tell anyone these things. I'll give you 500 rupees if you don't tell anyone. (takes out 500 rupees)

Link: (very happy by the deal) I'm broke. It's a deal.

Tatl: (happy) Thank you. (hands over rupees)

Link: No, thank you.

Tatl: I'll start screaming at you for saying whatever again.

Link: whatever

Tatl: (scared) GANONDORF IS BEHIND YOU!!!

Link: whatever. Wait. GANONDORF!!!??? That's nothing to whatever about!!!

???: That's right. I'm nothing to 'whatever' about.

Link: (turns around) AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! GANONDORF!!!!! (very quietly) He's gay.

Tatl: Of course it's Ganondorf, you nimrod.

Link: (to Ganondorf) You're gay and you have mental problems.

Ganondorf: (angry) WHAT?!?!?!

Link: You heard me. You're gay and have mental problems.

Tatl: (to Link) Don't say that to him.

Link: (to Tatl) What? He is.

Tatl: I don't care.

Link: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Ganondorf: That's what you get for calling me gay.

Link: Whatever.

Ganondorf: huh?

Link: Whatever.

Ganondorf: (confused) Why are you saying whatever?

Link: Cause I fell like it. Now that I see it, you're ugly Mr. Gay.

Ganondorf: (angry and speechless) WWWWWHHHHHAAAAATTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tatl: (flies to a bar to get soda for Ganondorf to calm him down)

Link: I said, you are……OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Ganondorf: (extremely angry) That's what you get for calling me ugly and 'Mr. Gay'…..OH! SODA!! I LOVE SODA!!!!!!!(starts drinking the soda Tatl got.)

Tatl: That should calm Mr. Gay down.

Ganondorf: (one quarter of the soda is gone) Don't call me that!

Link: Whatever. Hey. He's calming down.

Tatl: Soda calms anyone down.

Link: Wow. I never knew that. I should keep soda with me all the time.

Ganondorf: (already done) Yummy. Now I won't tell you that I took the seven sages. (slaps his hand over his mouth)

Dru: I'm sorry to say but this is the end of chapter 1. Ganondorf is back, the sages are missing……What else could happen? I shall stop writing now.


	2. Rauru's Message

Chapter 2:  Rauru's Message.

Link: (angry) What did YOU SAY!!!???

Ganondorf: I took the seven sages. (slaps hand over his mouth again)

Link: WHAT!?!?!? YOU'RE GOING TO PAY!!!

Ganondorf: How much do I have to pay? 1,000,000,000,000 rupees?

Link: That would be nice. (takes rupees from Ganondorf) Thanks. I'M SAYING THANKS TO GANONDORF!!!???

Ganondorf: You sure are.

Link: AAAAAAAHHHHHHH

Tatl: Shut up.

Link: Why the crap did I do that?

Ganondorf: Because you did.

Link: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! (throws a bomb at Ganondorf which explodes in his face)

Ganondorf: Ow. Good thing I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to GIECO.

Tatl: Hey! I switched to GIECO!

Link: What does this have to do with the seven sages?

Ganondorf: Rauru switched to GIECO too.

Link: Who cares about GIECO?!?!

Ganondorf, Tatl, and Rauru: We do!

Link: WELL I DON'T!!!

Everyone who has GIECO: (gasps) Link!!!!!!

Link: Whatever.

Tatl: How could you say whatever about GIECO??

Link: Easily. And I got something that's way better than GIECO.

Ganondorf: Really?

Link: No.

Tatl and Ganondorf: How could you kid about GIECO??!!

Link: Easily.

Dru: JUST SHUT UP ABUOT GIECO AND GET ON WITH THE STORY!!!!!

Tatl and Ganondorf: OK.

Dru: Good.

Link: Who the heck are you?

Dru: I'm the author and I will create a mascot to watch you.

Link: Why?

Dru: I have no idea.

Link: OK.

Dru: Good. Here he is. (throws a flying fish)

Lung fish: Hi everybody and welcome to The GIECO headquarters.

Link: We aren't in the GIECO headquarters!!!

Tatl and Ganondorf: AAAAWWWWWW MAAAAN

Lung fish: correct! I was testing you. You can call me Lung.

Link: Good.

Lung: Hold on. (Kills all the creatures running for this story's mascot) That's better. I'm going to leave forever.

Link: OK.

Ganondorf: Good he's gone. I hated him.

Tatl: Me too.

Link: Shut up.

Kitz: Hey, what was the whole point of that? And what is a Lung Fish?

Dru: Go away, Kitz.

Link: Who are you?

Kitz: I'm Dru's sister. Pleased to meet you.

Link: Hi, I'm Link. This is Tatl, my fairy. Why aren't you the narrarator?

Kitz: Because this is Dru's story. I'm here for moral support.

Link: You should be in the story more.

Dru: OK, Kitz. Time to leave.

Link: Oh, but why?

Dru: We're trying to write a story here.

Tatl and Ganondorf: OK, Link. Let's get going.

Link: OK, OK. Hey Ganny, did you take Rauru?

Ganondorf: Nope.

Link: Good.

Tatl: Shut Up.

Link: I will go to the Temple of Time then.

Ganondorf: You'll have to go through me first.

Link: (takes out the Gilded Sword and chops Ganondorf's fingers off.

Ganondorf: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW

Link: (then shoots a light arrow at him)

Ganondorf: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Link: (puts on goron mask and throws a powder keg at him) That should finish him off.

Ganondorf: (screams then dies)

Link: Good. Now let's go to the Temple of Time.

(a few hours later)

Rauru: Good. You are here.

Link: Yo Rauru. Sup' man.

Rauru: (annoyed) The sag-

Link: I know they're missing and Guarded by the Temple Bosses. Wait I didn't know they were guarded by the temple bosses.

Rauru: Very good. Now go!

Link: OK.

Dru: This is the end of chapter 2, everyone.

Kitz: Hey, I didn't leave. Ha ha.


	3. Saria's Rescuing

Chapter 3: Saria's Rescuing.

Link: I will get the Master Sword.

Rauru: You don't need to be an adult.

Link: But I want to!

Rauru: But I don't want you to!

Link: But I want to!

Tatl: Well, I want a million rupees, but we don't always get what we want, so there, Link. Let's go.

Link: (plays minuet of the forest)

Tatl: Hey Link, what's going on?

Link: Didn't you play my game? We're going to the forest Temple! We're gonna save Saria! I thought you were smart.

Tatl: Hey! That hurt.

Link: Well, uh, never mind this. Here we are!

Tatl: OoOoOoOoO! Pretty temple! (flies over toward it)

Saria: AAAUUUGGHHHH!

Tatl: (falls out of air) What was that?!!?!?

Link: That was Saria, the sage of the forest.

Tatl: Do you like her?

Link: Wha- NO!! We're FRIENDS!!!

Tatl: Well, that means you like her.

Link: Well then, I like her.

Tatl: Ooh! Link and Saria, sittin in a tree, S-M-O-O-C-H-I-N-G-----

Link: SHADAP!

Saria: Hey, I'm a damsel in distress here. Come save me!

Link: Yeah, let's go Tatl.

Tatl: (makes smooching noise behind Link's back)

Link: (Duct tapes Tatl's mouth shut and shoves her inside his hat.) I'm coming Saria, I'm coming. Don't wet yourself.

Saria: Oops… I did. Sorry about that.

Link: TALLY HO! (hook shots onto a branch above the platform and drops onto it.)

Saria: Umm... Link? We installed a stairwell after you awoke me.

Link: Dang, I didn't see it.

Saria: Well, It's right in front of you!

Tatl: (from under link's hat) I always told you to get your eyes checked, Link.

Link: I thought I duct taped you mouth shut.

Tatl: I took it off. Don't you know you can never silence a highly annoying Fairy?

Link: No I didn't. Hold on, let me check the fairy manual. (opens book and reads aloud.) "Congratulations sir/miss on getting your own fairy. This is the guidebook to help you learn everything about your new friend. Rule number 1: Always be polite to your fairy." Oops, sorry Tatl. Didn't know. "Rule number 2: Never wash your fairy with tap water. Always use natural spring water, or they will shrink." Oh, that's why you're all tiny, Tatl. "And Rule number 3: Never duct tape your fairy's mouth shut, because highly annoying fairies always find a way to get it off, and anyway, smart fairies always take it off in the first place."

Saria: Hey, where'd you get that?

Link: It came with my fairy. Duh!

Saria: Well, how come I didn't get one?

Link: Because you have short term memory loss.

Saria: No I don't! Umm, why are we here again?

Tatl: (rolls eyes) To save you from Ganondorf.

Link: I thought I killed him in Chapter 2.

Dru: No you didn't, Link. I resurrected him.

Link: You are so evil!

Dru: Who cares?

Everybody in Hyrule except the evil people: WE DO!

Dru: Oh. I didn't realize so many people cared.

Link: Well we do, bub.

Kitz: I don't.

Dru: I thought I told you to go away.

Kitz: Well, I didn't.

Link: Oh yay, you're back!

Tatl: (whispering) You like her, don't you.

Saria: Link, I thought you liked me!

Malon: No, he likes me!

Ruto: No, me!

Zelda: Hey, I'm the princess. He likes me!

Malon: Shut up, Zelda. Hey, you're all sages. I want to be a sage!

Link: AUUGH!! TOO MANY GIRLS!!!

Dru: By the power vested in me, I hereby banish Zelda, Ruto, Malon, and my sister from this chapter of the story. And I'm getting myself a cherry slushie. OK, people. Continue the story.

Tatl: Let's go to the boss room.

Dru: Yeah, Link. Lets go to the boss room.

Link: Be quiet and get on the elevator!

Tatl: OK Link. You don't have to get nasty.

Link: You're right. (turns into a werewolf and punches the floor, making a huge hole in it, then howls, growls, and turns normal again)

Kitz: Cool, you're a werewolf. Who bit you? Professor Lupin?

Dru: GO AWAY!

Tatl: (clapping) OK. You made a hole right to the boss room.

Link: I did? Oh Yeah! I did.

Tatl: Shut up and jump down here.

Link: OK. (jumps down and does a face plant) ow.

Tatl: Are you alright?

Link: I think I broke my nose and skull. Ow

Saria: Yay! You're here.

Link: Yes, Saria, I'm here.

Phantom Ganon: AAAWWW. Such a lovely reunion. NOW DIE!!

Link: Yay! Tennis! (takes out two tennis rackets) Here.

PG: Thanks. NOW DIE! (throws an energy ball at Link)

Link: (hits it with his racket)

Tatl: (puts up a scoreboard and takes out a microphone) The energy ball game is about to begin.

Kokiri, gorons, zoras, dekus, hylians, and gerudos: YAY!

Kokiri, gorons, zoras, dekus, and hylians: GO LINK!![I will use Good crowd for short]

Gerudos: Go Phantom Ganon!!!

Tatl: Okay. It's 0-0 right now. Wait. make that 1-0. Link scores.

Good crowd: Yahoo!

PG:OOOWWW

Link: (slashes PG 5 times) Ha!

Gerudos: BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Tatl: This will get intense. Now it is 1-1. PG scores.

Good crowd: BOOOOO!

Gerudos: Yay!

Tatl: Now It's 2-1. No, 2-2, No 3-2, no 4-2. And Link Wins. (PG dies)

Good crowd: YAY!

Gerudos: AAAWWWWW MAAAAAAAAN!

Link: That was fun.  And I was a child this time.

Saria: That was terrific. (hugs Link)

Link: Woah! This is not right! This is not right! LET GO OF ME!

Saria:……………………………..

Link: (takes out a letter opener) This should get you off me. (Saria takes it and throws it away)Why does she look so dreamy?. (notices a look on Saria's face)I hope she won't do what I'm thinking she might do.(notices her staring at him)She's gonna do it. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! (kicks Saria to knock her off him then runs)

Saria: (runs around trying to kiss Link) Come on Link! Why'd you run away?

Link: Because of you trying to kiss me!

Tatl: The match is over. You can leave now. (all of the crowd leaves)(now talking to Link) Link, just let her do what she wants to do!

Link: NO! I'm only 12 years old. Kissing is sick!

Tatl: Of course it is!

Link: Really?

Tatl: NO!!!

Link: Well then. That means you are taking Saria's side.

Tatl: No I'm not!

Link: Yes you are! OH CRAP!! SHE'S ALMOST ON ME!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! (runs away)

Saria: Crap! I almost had him.

Link: Yeah! Will you ever stop trying to kiss me until you do kiss me?

Saria: No. (starts running towards Link)

Link: Oh crap! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (trips) Oh crap!

Saria: (leaning towards his face)

Link: (petrified) Oh Crap! (tries to kick Saria and misses) Oh crap! Wait! (puts on Don Gero's mask) Come frogs, come!

Frogs: You called?

Link: Yes. Now get her away from me! She's nearly on me!

Frogs: OK. (hop under Saria and then do a huge jump, knocking Saria away from Link)

Link: Thank you! Here is 100 rupees for your service.

Frogs: Thank you and your welcome.

Link: Yeah. Bye.

Frogs: Yep. Bye.

Link: Ok, Saria, are you gonna stop now.

Saria: yes.

Dru: She finally stopped.

Saria: What? I just wanted to kiss him.

Dru: Saria, let me tell you something.

Saria: What?

Dru: HE'S TWELVE YEARS OLD!!!! HE HATES KISSING!!!!! Don't you know that?

Saria: No. I thought he was 34.

Link: No. Since I'm not connected with the Great Deku Tree anymore, I'm a 12 year old Hylian.

Saria: Oh. I had no idea.

Dru: OK. This will be the end of chapter 3.

Link, Saria, and Tatl: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Dru: Say bye.

Link, Tatl, and Saria: Bye.

Dru: This is the end of chapter 3. I hope you think it's funny. Link has rescued Saria. 1 down, 5 to go.

Kitz: Let's make Malon a sage.

Dru: Let's not and say we did.

Kitz: Well then, make me a sage!

Dru: Uh… no.


	4. Off to rescue Darunia

Chapter 4: Off to Rescue Darunia

Dru: Start of chapter 4.

Link: Yahoo!

Tatl: Yay!

Saria: Hooray!

Kitz: Chicken!

Dru: Shut up! Get the story going!

Link: Ok. Umm… Where were we again?

Dru: (slaps hand against forehead) We're in the forest temple boss room, and Saria just realized you're 12 years old, you nimrod.

Link: Oh yeah! Of course I'm 12 years old Saria!!!

Saria: Well I didn't know!!!

Tatl: Break it up!

Link: (rounding on Tatl) We aren't kissing, so don't say that.

Saria: Yeah!! But I wish we were.

Link: Well I hate kissing so we won't. (plays Bolero of Fire)

Saria: Link, Why do……………LINK! WHERE ARE YOU???????

In Death Mountain Crater

Link: I need a goron Tunic.

Tatl: Put on your Goron mask.

Dru: Child goron tunic coming right up.

Link: Thanks. (puts tunic on)

Dru: That will be 100 rupees.

Link: Ok. (pays 100 rupees)

Tatl: How'd you get that?

Dru: Author powers. (makes a tsunami)

Tatl: What the crap!!! (gets caught in the tsunami)

Kitz: Yahoo! Surf's up!

Link: Awesome! That was cool.

Dru: Here is a child zora tunic for the water temple.

Link: Thanks. Here is 200 rupees. (gives 200 rupees)

Dru: Thanks. Here are the iron boots.

Link: Thanks. (gives 150 rupees for the iron boots)

Tatl: Let's go to the temple.

Link: OK.

Inside the Fire Temple

Link: Wow. Same thing as before. Hey, look! A chest that wasn't there the last time. (opens it) Wow! A hammer! (whacks Tatl on head with it)

Tatl: Ouch! Why did you do that?

Link: I was testing it to see if it was good to use on Volvagia.

Tatl: Oh. Can we go to the boss room now?

Link: OK. (uses bunny hood to get to the boss room)

Tatl: OoOoOoOoO! Holes of lava!

Volvagia: RRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tatl: Yikes! (jumps into one of the holes of lava) OOOOOUUUUUCCCCHHHHHH!!!!!

Link: Ha ha ha!

Tatl: Hey!!! That hurts!!!!

Volvagia: RRRROOOOOAAAARRRR!!!!! (breaths fire)

Link: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! (jumps in a lava hole) YYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEOOOOOOOUUUUUUCCCCCCHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! (dumps springwater all over his body) That's better.

Volvagia: Can we start? Wait! I need an advil. (eats a pill) That's better.

Link: Sure. Time for Whack-a-Dragon!!! (Takes out the hammer) Hold on! Where's Darunia?

Darunia: Look in the lava!

Link: There you are! Let's start this game. (Volvagia pops out of a hole) (Link hits him then slashes him) Yes!

Volvagia: Ouch! That hurts!

Link: Well, it should hurt because I'm trying to kill you.

Volvagia: Oh yeah. I forgot. RRRROOOOAARRR!!! (drops boulders)

Link: AAAAHHHHHH!!!!! (gets hit) ow. I wish I had saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to GEICO.(Volvagia enters a hole again and pops his head out again and Link hits him then slashes him) Yahoo! (eats lava) AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! HOT! HOT! HOT! HEARTBURN!!!!! I NEED A TUMS!!!!

Dru: 1 tums coming right up. (hands Link a tums)

Link: Thanks. Now die Volvagia.

Volvagia: Aw man! Do I have to?

Link: Yep. You're the boss so I have to kill you.

Volvagia: I never should've took the job Ok.

Link: Ok then. (chops Volvagia's head off) Yay!

Tatl: That was quick.

Link: Holy Crap! We're being warped!

Goron City

Link: Why Goron city?

Darunia: Cause. Let me give you a goron hug. (starts to hug Link)

Link: To much pressure-running out of air-spine cracking- ribs breaking. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Darunia: What? Am I squeezing too hard?

Link: Yes.

Darunia: Well why didn't you say so? (lets go of Link) I just wanted to thank you for saving me.

Link: Well, you're welcome.

Darunia: Wait Link! My son wants your autograph!

Goron Link: Link! Sign my head!

Link: Umm, I can't right now. I have to ………….CRAP! NOT RUTO! ANYONE BUT RUTO!!!

Tatl: Calm down. She's just a zora.

Link: Just a zora? Tatl, you do not know what I had to do!! (to himself) Why didn't I just take out my sword and demand for it and not have to marry her.

Tatl: You have to marry her???

Link: Y-y-yes.

Tatl: (starts howling with laughter) Link and Ruto sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

Link: SHADAP!!! I HATE HER!!! It was the only way to get the spiritual stone of water, or the zora's sapphire. Anyway, why would I marry her, she's a zora for crying out loud!

Tatl: Oh yeah, you like Kitz.

Dru: No! That's not good!

Link: But why not?

Dru: Because she likes-

Kitz: ( hits Dru upside the head with a frying pan) SHUT UP!!! HOW"D YOU FIND OUT WHO I LIKE???

Dru: I read your diary.

Kitz: Umm… (akward silence follows) Gotta run.

Tatl: Ok. How long has Ruto been waiting to marry you?

Link: Sixteen years. No, wait. Umm. I was 10 when I got the sapphire, then I traveled 7 years into the future. So then I was 17. Then Zelda sent me back in time to when I was 10, and now I'm 12. Only two years.

Kitz: Hey Link, I'm 12!

Link: Yay! It must be destiny.

Kitz: Destiny…  oh yeah… umm… whatever.

Link: Whatever? How would you say 'whatever' about me?

Kitz: whatever.

Tatl: Umm, ok. Dru, take her out of the story.

Link: NOOO! SHE'S MY DESTINY!

Kitz: No I'm not. I'm Ma-(slaps hand over mouth) You guys didn't hear that. You didn't just hear that.

Dru: (pushes Kitz through a hole in the floor) OK Link. Playtime's over. Back to the story.

Link: I'm not rescuing Ruto. I'll rescue Impa.

Tatl: No, Ruto.

Dru: Shut up. Anyway it's the end of chapter 4.

Everyone except Dru: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dru: End of chapter 4.

------------------------

Dru: So, Link has rescued Darunia and now has to rescue his almost wife.

Link: She is not my almost wife!

Dru: Shut up. Ok. He needs to go to the water temple next and rescue the accursed Ruto.

Link: That's better.

Ruto: Hey!!! That's mean.

Link: Shut up. And anyway, you're trapped.

Ruto: Oh yeah.

Malon: Rescue me, Link! I'm the Sage of the Farm!

Dru: Who told you that?

Malon: Kitz did. She made me the sage of horses and cows and stuff you find on farms.

Kitz: Well, she begged for ages…

Dru: Malon, you can't be a sage.

Malon: Why?

Dru: I'd have to change the title of the story. Ok. End of Chapter 4.


	5. Ruto and the Gibdos

Chapter 5: Ruto and the Gibdos

Dru: Before we start, means thoughts. And I hope Kitz doesn't intrude in my story.

Kitz: Too late! I'm here!

----------------------------

Dru: Chapter 5 everyone.

Everyone: Yahoo!

Dru: Shut up and get on with the story.

Link: Do I have to rescue Ruto?

Tatl: Yes. Link, You'll have to rescue her anyway or King Zora might punish you.

Link: Ok. But…

Tatl: No 'buts' will stop you from rescuing Ruto.

Link: Aww man. (plays serenade of water)Why me

The Hylian Lake

Tatl: Ooh! Pretty lake.

Link: Yeah, whatever. (puts on iron boots and zora tunic) CANNONBALL! (does a cannonball and makes a huge splash)

Tatl: Why didn't you put on your zora mask?

Link: Because I wanted to wear my iron boots and my zora tunic.

Tatl: But if you wore the mask, you would look like Mikau, and Ruto wouldn't recognize you.

Link: Oh. Dang it.

Water Temple

Tatl: Wow, this has tons of water.

Link: That's why people call it the water temple, Dimwit.

Tatl: I knew that.

Ruto: HEEEELLLP

Link: Nope. I don't want to.

Ruto: I'll give you candy and you won't have to marry me.

Link: Oh boy! Candy! Ok.

Ruto: Yay. He actually fell for it

Link: Well, here is the boss door.

Tatl: Well open it and go in.

Link: Ok.

Ruto: Help! I'm down in the water.

Morpha:           

Link: Ha Ha! Morpha can't talk.

Tatl: Whatever.

Link: (hookshots the nucleus and pulls it towards him then slashes it 10 times) Ha! Morpha is dead.

Ruto: I'm free.

Link: Where's the candy?

Ruto: I was joking.

Link: HOW COULD YOU??!!

Ruto: Easily. Now marry me! (tries to kiss Link but misses)

Link: HOLY CRAP!!! I'd never marry you if you were the last female in Hyrule or Termina.

Ruto: That insults me.

Kitz: Link! You're so mean!

Link: Who cares?

Ruto: I do. (tries to kiss Link again)

Link: Get away from me! (puts on Gibdo's mask) Gibdos! If you come, there will be a delicious zora in here! (2 Gibdos come)

Ruto: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! GIBDOS!!!!!!! (Gibdos latch onto her and start biting her) OOOOOOUUUUUUCCCCCHHHHH!!!!! (makes the zora shield that Mikau makes in Majora's Mask) Ah ha Gibdos! Never mess with the sage of Water!

Gibdos: AAAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! (both die)

Dru: Wow! You can do the zora shield?

Ruto: Yep. Comes in handy.

Link: Argh! (puts on zora mask) Ha! I can be a zora too!

Ruto: Wow! You're more handsome than before.

Link: AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! (takes off zora mask and puts on goron mask)

Ruto: Um….you're ugly.

Link: That is what I wanted to hear. (backs up then rolls long enough to have spikes out then rolls over Ruto) Ha!

Ruto: OOOOUUUUUCCCCCCHHHHHH!!!!!! Come on, man! I'm a sage! You're supposed to be saving me!

Link: Oh. You're right. (to Tatl) I wonder what would happen if we just left her here.

Rauru: If you left Ruto here, Link, you'd have **me **to deal with.

Link: Eep! Don't hurt me! (starts rolling around on the floor with his thumb in his mouth.)

Ruto: I'm supposed to be marrying **you**?!!?! Never mind. The wedding's off.

Kitz: No Ruto! Don't do that! You and Link are meant to be!

Tatl: No, he and Malon are meant to be.

Malon: Yay! Rescue me next, Link!

Link: Umm, no. I thought Kitz and I were meant to be.

Kitz: NONONONONONONONONO! I'm not marrying Link! No offense to you or anything, buddy boy.

Navi: Link and Zelda are meant to be.

Link: Navi! Where've you been?!??! I spent three days in Termina looking for you!

Navi: Only three…?

Link: Well, I went back in time a lot. Hey, I saved the moon from destroying the world!

Navi: Cool! Well, I gotta go. I'm late for my appointment down at the hair salon, so I'll be drivin a truck with my high heels on.

Kitz: Isn't that a song?

Navi: It might be. Bye!

Link: NOOOOOOOOOO! Don't leave me!

Ruto: OK, back to me. Link, the wedding's off, but we can still be friends, right?

Link: Oh yeah! (gives Ruto a hug)

Malon: NOOOOOOOOO!

Dru: BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (sends Malon whizzing down a black hole.)

Kitz: Have a safe flight!

Dru: Whatever. Anyway, it's the end of chapter 5.

Everyone: Aw man!

Dru: Whatever.

Kitz: Don't whatever me! I'm your older sister!(whacks Dru with a cast iron skillet)

Dru: IEEEEE (faints)

Kitz: Well, that's all folks!


	6. Beneath the Well

Chapter 6: Beneath the Well

Dru: Before we start, Hillbilly Link is the name of another author. I don't own the characters in the Legend of Zelda, Pirates of the Caribbean, the Little Mermaid, or Homer Simpson.

Link: I have to go to the Shadow Temple now.

Ruto: Bye Link!

Tatl: Parting is such sweet, umm, something or other.

Kakariko Village

Tatl: I thought we were going to the shadow temple.

Link: I have to get my third lens of truth.

Tatl: I thought you had your old one.

Link: I lost my first one because of you and I ate the second one after I saved Termina. It tasted like blueberry pie.

Tatl: You can eat those?! Cool! (takes out a lens of truth and eats it) Mmmmm! Pumpkin Pie flavored.

Dru: Stop eating lens of truths!

Hillbilly Link: I ate one that was cherry pie flavored. I also ate a light arrow.

Link: No wonder you're glowing.

Dru: Let's get on with the story!

Link: OK! Let's go to the windmill.

Tatl: Ok.

Windmill

Homer Simpson: Hi. Guru-guru is not here so I'm running the place.

Link: That's a mask. (pulls off Homer's face) Ha! You're Guru-Guru!

Guru-Guru: He he. It's me.

Kitz: Hey, I like this music! (starts dancing) Woo! Doo dee dee! Let's dance, Guru-Guru!

Guru-Guru: What do you want?

Link: I need to know the Song of storms.

GG: OK. (plays the song of storms)

Link: Thanks.

Dru: I like this song, I like this music.

Kitz: I like it more! (does the tango)

Link: Whatever. (plays the Song of Storms)

GG: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!! The windmill is spinning like crazy!! It's draining the well. You're so mean to me! (starts crying)

Kitz: Hey, you made him cry! Now he won't play his music! (starts crying, too)

Link: Let's leave. I don't want to be with babies.

Kakariko Well

Link: Man, It's dark.

Tatl: Yep. Link! Where are you going?

Link: To a certain room.

Dru: They go in the certain room and find 6 hands sticking out of the ground.

Link: (let's one of the hands grab him)

Tatl: Are you stu………. WHAT IS THAT THING!

Link: (slashes the hand) A dead hand. (slashes it 5 times)

Dead Hand: AAAAAIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!! (dies)

Link: Yay! A chest. (opens it) Yes! A Lens of truth!

Tatl: (bored) Whoop-de-de. It's a lens of truth.

Hillbilly Link: Can I eat it?

Dru: No! He needs that to save Impa! Here, eat a fire arrow.

Hillbilly Link: Thanks. (eats arrow) AIIIEE!! HEARTBURN!!

Link: Uh huh. (rolls eyes) Now let's ditch this place.

Dru: No, or this will be a short chapter. I want it to be long.

Tatl: OK. Let's play poker.

Dru: That's a great idea!

Link: (starts passing out cards) I bet 10 rupees.

Tatl: I bet 20.

Kitz: I bet myself.

Dru: You can't do that!! I bet 1,000,000,000,000 rupees.

Hillbilly Link: I bet 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,0000 rupees.

Everyone except Hillbilly Link and Kitz: HOLY CRAP!!!!!

Link: That's a googol rupees!!!

Kitz: Duh. Well, I bet 2 googol rupees.

Tatl: I have got to win.

30 minutes later

Link: I WIN!!!!!!!! (takes all of the rupees)

Tatl: (starts to cry)

Hillbilly Link: I bet infinite rupees.

Dru: Me too.

Kitz: You can't do that! It's humanly impossible!

Link: I bet 10 rupees.

Tatl: I bet 500 rupees.

Kitz: I bet my half eaten quarter pounder without cheese.

I hour later

Tatl: YES!!! I WON!!!! I"M RICH!!!!!! AND I'VE WON MYSELF SOMEONE'S HALF EATEN LUNCH!!!!! HOORAY!!!!!!!

Kitz: Actually, I ate it for dinner.

Hillbilly Link: I bet infinite rupees again.

Kitz: YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!!!

Link: I bet 1,000,000 rupees.

Tatl: I bet 10,000 rupees.

Dru: I bet a bottle of rum.

Kitz: Ooh! Rum! I **must** win.

1 hour and a half later

Link: I WON!!!!!!!! YAHOO!!! HOORAY!!!!!!!!!

Kitz: Waah. Bye, rum. I'll miss you.

Link: Oh kay… (burns rum)

Kitz: WHAT DID YOU JUST DO??!!?!?

Link: I burned the rum.

Kitz: But why is the rum gone?

Dru: Because the Health Department didn't want it in my story.

Kitz: But… why is the rum gone?

Tatl: Oh brother.

Kitz: I'll go raid an island to find more. (hops onto the Black Pearl) Yo ho yo ho! A pirate's life for me!

Captain Jack: Come, Kitz! Let's go find rum!

Kitz: Just make sure Elizabeth doesn't find it. She'll burn it all up!

The Little Mermaid: I'll come too! Then we can have a party!

All three: (singing) Ninety nine bottles of rum on the wall, ninety nine bottles of rum…

Tatl: Dru, did you get rid of her with your author's powers?

Dru: Nope. She got rid of herself.

Link: (calling after the Black Pearl) Wait for me!

Tatl: Oh no you don't! (grabs Link by the ear) We're going to save Impa!

Link: She can save herself.

Rauru: Link, **what** did I tell you?

Link: On second thought, let's go save Impa.

Malon: No, rescue me Link and leave that stupid Impa until later.

Link: Go away Malon! I will rescue you but later. Later. L-A-T-E-R, later.

Malon: I get the picture. (leaves)

-------------

Malon: Yay! Link will rescue me!

Tatl: (whispering to Dru) I saw Link cross his fingers when he told Malon that he would rescue her.

Dru: (to Malon) Umm, he may not have enough time to save you, Malon. He's a very busy man. I should know. I'm his agent in another story.

Kitz: (in a singsong voice) Wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure…

Link: What does that have to do with anything?

Kitz: I don't know. Well, I'm off to find the rum!

Captain Jack: Oops. I drank it all.

Dru: OK people, this is getting too confusing. End of chapter 6.


	7. Into the Shadow

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars Episode one or Weird Al Yankovic's song The Saga Begins

Chapter 7: Into the Shadow

In Kakariko Well

Link: I'm bored. Is chapter 6 over yet?

Tatl: Duh! This is chapter 7! Can't you read?

Link: No, but that doesn't matter. I'm still bored.

Hillbilly Link: Well, what do you want to do?

Dru: I know! Let's make a band!

Link: Cool idea! OK, I'll play the electric ocarina.

Kitz: O.o

Hillbilly Link: And I'll play the banjo! (plays a really bad g-chord and the banjo explodes) Oopsies. I'll just get another one! (pulls another banjo out from behind Tatl's ear) Ha ha! It's magic!

Tatl: I can be singer! (starts to sing and Link's Lens of Truth explodes)

Dru: Hey! I wanted to eat that!

Kitz: I think I should be singer. No offense to you Tatl.

Tatl: None taken! I'll play the triangle.

Dru: And I can be keyboard!

Link: We still need a drummer…

Hillbilly Link: Maybe Impa can play the drums…?

Link: No, she whistles.

Dru: Oh well. We'll find a drummer somewhere. But right now, we need to save Impa!

Link: OK. Hold on a sec. (pulls a Lens of Truth out of his hat) Oh! There you are! I was looking for you!

Dru: WHAT??? You had a Lens of Truth in your hat THE WHOLE TIME??? Man, If I'd have known, I wouldn't have written chapter 6!

Tatl: Oh well. That doesn't matter anymore. Link, come on. We're going to go save Impa now.

Link: Okeydokey! (plays Nocturne of Shadow) Tah-tah! (waves to Tatl and disappears)

Tatl: LINK!!! COME BACK HERE!!! Oh, it's no good. Wait for me!

Kakariko Village

Tatl: Excuse me, miss. Pardon me sir. Ouch! (flies into cucco lady)

Cucco Lady: Waah! My cuccos have run away! Sniff… Miss fairy, will you find them for me?

Tatl: Uhh, well, I sort of need to be g o I n g… Oh who cares? Sure, why not.

Cucco Lady: Oh, thank you! Thank you so very much!

Tatl: No problem. (calling) Cuccos! Oh cuccos! Come to me! (cuccos come flying toward her) Quick! Jump into your pen! (cuccos jump into pen) There! That should do it.

Cucco Lady: (gaping) Wow! That was fast. Here, take this nice shiny glass bottle filled to the brim with cucco feed as a token of my gratitude.

Tatl: Uhh, thanks. Now, I really must be going. (flies to the graveyard and the entrance to the shadow temple)

Link: Hey! What took you?

Tatl: The cucco lady wanted me to find her cuccos. Here, have a bottle filled with chicken feed.

Link: (confused) Chicken? What's a chicken?

Tatl: (slaps head) Oh, I mean cucco feed. Well anyway. Enough of this chitchat. Let's go!

The Shadow Temple

Link: OK, we're here. Now what do I do?

Dru: (whispering) you go and get the hover boots, link.

Link: Yay! Hover boots! (talking and walking toward the hover boots) I've always wanted to fly. I wonder how they work…. I wonder what color they are…. If they don't match my outfit, I'm not wearing them. Ooh! A chest! I'll open it. (opens chest) Yay! It's the-

Tatl: Hover umbrella?

Link: Hover umbrella? I thought they were supposed to be hover boots.

Hillbilly Link: Oops, I ate those, too.

Kitz: (singing) La la la, he ate the boots! La la la, he ate them!

Hillbilly Link: Well, here. As a token of my apology, here is my prized 7-year-old jelly bean. (gives Link the bean)

Link: Thanks! Now I have a birthday present for my mommy! (eats jellybean) Bleaugh!! Gag… splutter… (chokes and dies)

Tatl: LINK!!!

Kitz: Don't worry! I read somewhere that if someone dies, you have 4 to six minutes to make them alive again!

Tatl: Well, make way then! (pushes everyone out of the way) Make way, Link! This is gonna be a bumpy ride! (dives into Link's mouth and down his digestive tract)

Dru: She's nuts.

Tatl: (from inside Link) Eew. Down the esophagus! Past the epiglottis! Past the liver! Past the pancreas! Into the stomach! Yuck! What does this kid eat?

Link: (talking, but unconscious) Hot dogs… rock sirloin… 7-year-old jellybeans… pumpkin pie… moldy cheese… ice arrows… lava… my hair… leaves… chocolate… liver and onions…

Tatl: I'm sorry I asked. Hey! I found the jellybean! (flies up out of Link's digestive tract) Here you go!

Link: (awake now) Yay! I'm alive!

Hillbilly Link: And I'm gone! (runs away to Kentucky)

Tatl: Where's Kentucky?

Dru: Somewhere far, far away.

Kitz: (singing) A long long time ago, in a galaxy far away, Naboo was under an attack…

Link: Who cares where Kentucky is? I want to ask Impa if she'll be in my band! Now our banjoist ran away, and we still need a drummer. (hears someone playing the bongos in the distance) Yay! Someone In here is a drummer! Let's go! (Jumps over huge gap with hover umbrella) We go through here….. in here….. through this door…… And on this ship-

Tatl: Which one? There are two. One's black and foreboding and the other is white with pretty flowers and bunnies!

Link: Well, this place is black and foreboding, so let's take the black and foreboding ship! (jumps on ship and plays Zelda's Lullaby)

Tatl: Where'd you learn that?

Link: I have no earthly idea. (falls asleep) ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Boat: All Aboard!!! Please visit the gift shop when we're done and we have an on ride photo section so please buy your picture as well. (starts to move)

Link: Wait! I have to go to the bathroom.

Boat: Too bad.

Link: I have to now- Ok I don't have to go to the bathroom anymore.

Tatl: Yuck!

Kitz: (still singing) Well, I thought me and Qui Gon Ginn could talk the federation into maybe cutting them a little slack…

Boat: Ok we're moving.

**10 minutes later**

Boat: Ok we're here.

Link: (gets off boat) This room is oddly familiar.

Tatl: Of course it is. We're in the main room again.

Kitz: (still singing) Well, their response, it didn't thrill us. They locked the doors and tried to kill us. We escaped from that gas, and met Jar-Jar and Boss Nass!

Link: What are you singing?? Oh well, never mind. I will warp back to the boat room, then. (warps) AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! I'm inside out! (warps back) Ah, good. I'm normal again. I'll walk to the room then. (walks through door and is in the boat room) Let's take the white boat.

Tatl: Ok.

White boat: Let's go to the boss room.

Link: Ok.

**5 Minutes Later**

Boat: We are here.

Link: Thanks.

Tatl: Look! The door to the boss room! But it's too far to jump.

Link: I'll use my hover umbrella. (jumps then uses umbrella) It's too far away. (falls) AAAAHHHHHHH!!!

Tatl: Wait! Don't leave. I want the on-ride photo.

Kitz: (still singing) We took a bonbo from the scene and we went to Theed to see the queen; We all would up on Tatooine. That's where we found this boy...

Link: I'm not gone. I'm right beside you.

Tatl: Hey! A pillar. If you shoot the bomb flowers with your fire arrows, you could blow them up and make the pillar fall. Then we could have a bridge.

Link: Ok. (does what Tatl says) You're right. (enters the boss room)

Bongo-Bongo: OFF MY DRUMS YOU IDIOT!!!!!!

Impa: Uggh. Go away, Link! I'll save myself.

Link: OK. (sits down and takes out a tub of popcorn) This is gonna be good.

Impa: (to Bongo-Bongo) OK floating hands. Now you shall meet your maker! (runs up to BB's hands) Oh my gosh! Your nails are horrific! Here, let me do them for you.

**TEN MINUTES LATER**

Impa: There! Now that should do it! (show's BB's nails to Link, which now have hot pink nail polish on them)

Link: AAAUUUGGGHHH!! THE PINK!! IT BURNS!!

Impa: Oh, you're so stupid. I'm outa here. You can fight Bongo-Bongo now. (calls a taxi and rides out of the dungeon)

Tatl: Wow. That was easy.

BB: yay! Now I can have my way with you!

Link: No way!. (shoots BB's eye with a light arrow)

BB: AAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

Link: Hey! You're a drummer. You wanna join our band.

BB: Sure.

Dru: Even though I beat Ocarina of Time, I still like the idea of Bongo-Bongo joining the band.

Link: Was I supposed to hear that?

Dru: Yes.

Tatl: (looking dreamy) That would be nice…

Link: Tatl, What are you doing?

Tatl: Huh? (comes out trance) Oh! I was only thinking.

Link: About what?

Tatl: Savl. Saria's fairy.

Link: Oh gross. Anyway now is not the time to plan your next date.

Tatl: Hey! How did you know?

Link: (points to the mask of truth he's wearing)

Tatl: Oh.

BB: What's a date?

Link: You don't wanna know.

BB: OK. That's fine. Oh, as a token of gratitude for letting me be in your band, I'm giving you a gift. (gives Link hover Boots)

Link: Yahoo! Hover Boots!

Dru: Can I eat them too?

Link: NO! Now I'm getting rid of this umbrella. (blasts it into an oblivion with a light arrow) That's better.

Dru: Aw man. I wanted to eat that.

Tatl: You have got to learn not to eat Link's equipment.

Link: Yeah!

Dru: Ok. I'm sorry about eating a bomb. (everyone hears an explosion in Dru's stomach) Ow.

Kitz: (singing) He ate a bomb, he ate a bomb. It gave him gas and his name's not Tom.

Link: Let's have a rehearsal for our band.

Dru: Play the Ballad of the Windfish.

Link: Ok. Everyone ready?

Everyone: Yeah.

Link: Ok. Play.

Kitz: Ahem!

Dru: Sorry. And sing.

Everyone starts playing and singing so well and loudly that everyone in Hyrule heard it and are now cheering.

Dru: We did a good job. But sadly, the chapter is over. Buh-bye.

Link: Wait! We have to get the chapter longer!

Dru: Ok. Ok. Let's see, we can um…play Monopoly.

Link: No thanks. I hate Monopoly.

Tatl: (starts to sing)

Link: AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! STOP IT TATL!!! IT'S HURTING MY EARDRUMS AND BREAKING GLASS.

Dru: Let's just end this chapter.

Link: Ok. Anything to stop Tatl singing.

Kitz: Tah-tah! (stuffs Tatl into a sound-proof room with unbreakable glass) Now you can sing!

--------------------

Dru: OK, this chapter doesn't have much about saving Impa, but she's tough. She saved herself.

Impa: Yes I did!

Malon: Link, when are you going to save me?

Link: Umm…. I.. uh… have a haircut to go to. Bye!! (runs away)

Malon: (chases after Link) No wait, Link! I'll cut your hair for you!!

Link: I've seen you cut people's hair! The come to you with 17 inches of hair and leave with a bald head!

Dru: Fin.


End file.
